ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
