i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Walk of Shame today included voting.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
