drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
