You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
