They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
