Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
