Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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