I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
