did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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