woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
