I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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