somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you have to choose: penises or morals?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize