then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
