This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
