i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
