i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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