I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
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No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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