It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
