The maid of honor just puked.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
