His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
