God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
