You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
