some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
