i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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