Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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