When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
