Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
