when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
