do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
