dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
