Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
