I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
When are your genitals available?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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