it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
