i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
