Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
