I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
