have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
