there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
