the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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