When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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