i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
