My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
