The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
