I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
