Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize