I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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