I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
