so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
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The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
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This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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