The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
