So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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