Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
