did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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