we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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