the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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