I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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