Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
