Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
