A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
