i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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