what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
