It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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