Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
