Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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