im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
