it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
