apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize