a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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