Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
